PhoeniXtreme86's Revelife

The journey begins

Wed, 10 Jun 2009 02:28:08 GMT

Well...I graduated from college. Well, sorta. I still have my internship to complete this summer, but THANK GOD that I am finished with papers, projects, homework, class etc...right now I am just working. And working a lot. I just went from working 40 something hours in 2 weeks to 70 something. I have officially begun the journey to Israel

I have so much other stuff to pay for though. My internship is costing me $720 out of pocket, the car I am 'renting' this summer is $625 (but it is paid off), and my rent for the house im staying at this summer is going to be around $450. After all that is paid, I can start saving up for my plane ticket....I have to admit, its making me put a lot of faith in God cause I KNOW that I can't do this without him.

I'm scared. My planning period extends to August. What if I can't afford a ticket by then? I have to give the car back and move out of the house I'll be staying at (or pay another month's rent). I don't know how I will get back and forth to work to make money to save up, etc. This is what goes through my head day in and day out. What if...?

Right now, I am staying at a friend's house. I've been at friends houses for the past 2 and a half weeks. I hate being homeless. I would love to unpack my stuff and quit feeling like I'm a burden. This is sooo frustrating!!!

On a better note, I am now the youth pastor of my church. Last Sunday was our first get together and one student came. I was sooo happy with that!! I really didn't think any one would be able to come. Some had notified me that they wanted to be a part of it, but were going to be out of town that day. One was sooo much better than none. This week though, I am working on Sunday morning and I'm trying to get out of it for a couple of hours so I can go. We'll see how that turns out.

I know that I will be torn when I have to leave. I already love those kids so much!! But I know that the Lord has called me to this. So until then, I will just enjoy being with them and watching them grow. And hopefully, I can find someone to keep the group alive after I leave.

This never gets old....

Mon, 04 May 2009 00:14:40 GMT

You KNOW this is funny...even though it might have a few vulgarities in it....and racist comments.....its still funny....

The Crystal that never sleeps....

Thu, 05 Mar 2009 00:53:00 GMT

Man, I am TIRED. All those who have been to college or are in college KNOW what I'm talking about. Papers, presentations, homework, stuDYING,
class, homework, papers, and then jobs to boot. And I have TWO!!! And I am tired. Exhausted. Languid. I KNOW I'm not the only one that has ever been reading like the person in the pic and just fall asleep....or crouched over on homework that is unfinished. Or spending all day working on a blog integrating faith, learning and technology for a class.....

Speaking of, here's where we get to integration. Dealing with REST!! Even God had a break. And on the seventh day, He rested. God took a day off so what in the WORLD are WE thinking- that we don't have to? I'm working 8 days straight this week and I'm on day 6 and about to DIE. My job is on top of school by the way....

Science even confirms this!! I know I read somewhere, but am unable to find it at this very moment, that the body needs a day out of the week to recuperate. A day of rest. Whether this day is Sat, Sun, Wed, or Thur- humans need a day of rest. The Sabbath is set aside for God in worship- but pastors and others have to work on Sundays- the 'ox is in the gully' as my cousin says. Its become one of my favorite phrases when I have to work on Sunday. Sometimes you just have to do what you gotta do.

So, why have we not learned this lesson? After sickness, fatigue, poor grades, I still have yet to learn, that maybe I just need to take a day off now and then. Like a WHOLE day off. I don't need to kill myself to get everything done. Even if everything seems to be due at the same time!!

Climbing the Tower of Babel on a Space Shuttle

Thu, 26 Feb 2009 19:45:00 GMT

Does anyone remember the Tower of Babel? And the fact that God stopped the people from building it "into the heavens"? There are 2 reasons for this, one being that the people were prideful and they wanted to receive glory. Yes, I'm sure by building a staircase to heaven that would be possible, even without the omniscience, omnipotence, absence of sin, and all the other attributes God has that man cannot, of course they would be glorified if they could just...get...high...enough (I realize the pun here and chuckle). Two- God was doing what was best for the people, for if they only knew about atmospheric pressures and science of breathing, etc..they would realize they would not survive beyond a certain height.

Wikipedia has a great deal of information about it. Wikipedia has a great deal of information about everything, but anyways...since those ancient times, we humans have come a long way (in some ways, in others not so much). We still obviously have this obsession with pride and glory. Especially in this age of technology, its like we are saying to God- Look what WE can do. And God probably sits back and is like...ok...let me see you create a universe...or better yet, do whatever you are doing without ME.

So here's the stuff to munch on. Space exploration, aircraft, telescopes, skyscrapers.....what about all these? Space shuttles obviously go beyond where the Tower could have been built up to. Airplanes too. Telescopes can look into the galaxy, and maybe even galaxies beyond this one. Skyscrapers could be our modern day "Towers".

So where exactly "is" God? Heaven? "The heavens?" God created everything into existence, so the confounds of the created does not hold Him. But in Scripture, Jesus ascended into heaven (Luke 24) (and I'm sure somewhere it says something about clouds- Acts maybe?). Ascended where?

So is heaven a physical place? Like the sun? Source of all Light? I mean...science has proven that sunlight makes us "happy." Or maybe I'm stretching a little...or is Heaven a distant galaxy that no matter how much technology improves, we will never find it? Or could Heaven be an invisible, spiritual realm that we are walking among and only catch glimpses of it with the paranormal? Or could the spiritual realm be in space?

In CS Lewis' book The Voyage of the Dawn Treader, Reepicheep is allowed to travel to "Aslan's land" via boat. Wouldn't it be nice if we could via Space Shuttle and just bypass that whole death stage?

27 grams and the body and soul....

Fri, 20 Feb 2009 19:17:00 GMT

In my Christian Doctrine class, we have been talking about sanctification, the body and soul and the afterlife, and paradise and hell (which I will write about in another blog) and its really got my wheels turning.

There are all these different ideas about what happens to the soul after death. Daniel 12 talks a lot about death in the context of "sleeping" and that some will wake to everlasting life and some to shame and contempt at the end of days. Then you have 2 Corinthians 5:8 telling us that when we are separated from our body, we are present with the Lord. In the parable of the rich man and Lazarus, Lazarus is in Abraham's bosom and the rich man is in Hades. Jesus tells the one thief on the cross alongside him that he will be with Christ in paradise TODAY. Is there a way to reconcile this?

Dr. Duncan MacDougall of Mass. conducted an experiment with dying patients to test the theory of 21 grams. You can even look it up on Snopes. The theory is that at the moment of death, human beings lose 21 grams of weight. Dr. MacDougall even weighed animals at their moment of death and they did not lose any weight. There are a few flaws to this experiment. The experiments occurred in the early 1900s, science was not as advanced as it is now, he didn't have a lot of test subjects, and his records were not consistent. But he was convinced that the human body lost 21 grams of unidentifiable substance at death. I'm surprised these experiments have not been repeated in a larger scale, especially with the movie that came out based on Dr. MacDougall's theory, 21 Grams.

But anyways, science has explained how the body functions, what it is made up of, etc. Our thoughts are electrical nerves bouncing through tissues in our brain. Science can even tell us what part of the brains control what. Do our minds, thoughts, memories "travel" with us when we go to heaven (or hell, for that matter)?

I've heard some theories talk about how the body is divided into a physical body, mind and soul. Heres a website that kinda describes that division, but I don't really know if I can believe it...its still interesting to look at though.

So, here is how I come to terms with it all in light of my faith. And I'm sure this is a stream of theology somewhere. I do believe that the soul and body are separated at death. The body is sent to the ground (or burnt, preserved for medical purposes, cryogenically frozen, or maybe even stuffed for those weirdos out there) where it "rests" until the end of age. The soul is sent somewhere, but I'm not sure where-this issue will be brought up in another blog as well. The "mind" persay- I don't know. Haven't quite figured it out yet. Will be still be the same "people" we were on Earth in Heaven? With the same characteristics, personality, mindset? Or is Heaven something that is so far beyond our human imagination that it will be like something entirely different? Guess we will all solve this mystery someday!

My trip to Israel

Wed, 18 Feb 2009 03:49:22 GMT

This trip absolutely changed my life.....in every aspect. I left my heart there and it is my prayer that the Lord allows me to return someday.

Kissy kissy

Mon, 16 Feb 2009 18:28:04 GMT

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20090213/ap_on_sc/sci_romance_unraveled

So..on Valentines Day I was checking the news on yahoo and what do I see? This article on kissing. How cliche. But I read it anyways and found a few things quite interesting. I, myself, have experiemented a few times with this science of kissing and found it quite enjoyable. According to this study, I now know why. It also made me reflect some on the values of it, not only in our American society, but through a Biblical perspective as well.

Paul stated in 2 Corinthians 13:12 (and numerous other passages) that we are to greet one another with a holy kiss. Holy being "set apart and distinct." I have to confess, the only holy kissing I have done is with family and close friends on the cheek. This site is a source of good Biblical views on kissing.

http://www.fortifyingthefamily.com/andre_response.htm

It also says in 1 Corinthians 7:1 "that is is not good for a man to touch a woman." According to the former link, kissing sends off hormones in the brain that sends your sexual drive shooting. We all know what that means. A few kisses here and there turn into a full blown makeout session and if you don't have a lot of will power, you fall into sleeping with the person.

Not everyone falls into this trap though. Some people have good intentions when they are kissing their significant other and keep their relationship pure and centered on what God would have them to be. I only hope that one day I am blessed to have a relationship such as this. It looks like once again, Science is catching up with the Bible. Values that were given to us 2000 years ago are being given reason to now. Its just something for us followers to ponder on!!

Science and God

Thu, 05 Feb 2009 16:22:04 GMT

Francis Collins has an incredible story. I am a science nerd. I love molecular biology, and genetics, etc. Not a whole lot of people know that about me. I can't really stand macro biology, with the blood, organs, and bones and oozing and all. It really grosses me out. Well, as the video stated, Mr. Francis Collins was the director of the Human Genome Project. Going into it, he was completely atheist. At the end of the project, he FOUND God through DNA. I would like to get my hands on a copy of his book that he wrote because of it, The Language of God.

I saw him at the National Youth Worker's Convention in Nashville where I heard his story for the first time. I learned about the Human Genome Project in high school and was pretty interested to hear what he had to say. Through studying DNA, he saw that there was no possible way that the geometry of it, the complexities of it, "just" happened.

Google a video of him. There are quite a few hour long lectures that he gave explaining it all. I didn't think anyone would sit around my blog long enough to watch it, so I only posted a short snippet. I think God is using Mr. Collins to reconcile the scientific world and sacred realm. Its been too long since we've been apart. All truth is God's truth, even the scientific truth. Why can we not learn about our bodies and how we were created? I don't see how it wouldn't bring someone to God.

Saturday, December 06, 2008

Sat, 06 Dec 2008 20:36:24 GMT

I am so glad my friend recommended this site. Although I have not used it yet, I am as of right now. It's good to be able to be in the confines of a Christian community, where its safe. Or at least I hope so.

    When I was growing up attending church, it seemed as though if you were a Christian, you had it all together. Yes, you would go through trials and struggles, but no matter what, if you were a Christian, you could easily give it to God, put a smile on your face and everything is ok. Every time. I doubted my faith SOO much growing up because I couldn't do it that easily. Thank God I left home and came to Montreat, and learned a few new things about the Bible, me, and life in general, and when I say thank God, I mean that literally.

    The Christian faith goes so much deeper than going to church on Sunday and not swearing. I know that sounds so cliche, but do people really understand what it means when they say that. Its a lifestyle and I think sometimes people get so caught up in the legalities of the faith, they totally forget about the RELATIONSHIP of it.

    I could go on forever with that thread, but I'll save it for another time because thats not the reason I decided to post today. Today is about those struggles.

    So, I live in a house with 3 rooms. I did have 2 people that lived in the other 2 bedrooms, but they both moved out on me. Ouch. One was constantly either high or drunk, and only 18. We had a few conversations about the Bible and she seemed really interested, even went to chapel with me once and said she enjoyed it and was even eager to go to church with me one Sunday.However, anytime Sunday came around, she was hungover or too tired from the night before and that enthusiasm to wake up and go to church had faded. She began hanging out with the wrong crowd more and more, and spent her rent money on things that would please her more. Needless to say, she had to go.

    The other roommate drank a lot too, and her boyfriend practically lived with us. She claims to be Christian, and she is such a sweet person- I love her to death, but Christ said you will know my followers by the fruit they bear, and there wasn't any fruit on the tree.

    Cut- new idea. It's not my place to judge. God is the ultimate judge and by which you judge will also be used on you. I struggle with this idea of "judgment." We hear a lot that Christians are judgmental. I use to be a hardcore judgmental. I didn't know any better. So, trying to break free from what I was taught is hard. What is the Biblical standard for judging? I know the toothpick, eye, beam Scripture...but as far as an observation that I just made about my roommate...where does that stand? She says she is a Christian, but her actions speak otherwise....much like a lot of "Christians".

    Back to the house. So she moved out because of finances back to her home state. One of my close friends is moving in now. She is in the same boat as my last roommate. She claims to be Christian, and we have had some deep conversations about and with God. Shes been seeing this guy for a month and already "engaged" and acting like a married couple already. I have told her about the whole...you've only known him a month and you are engaged thing....and how its rather..STUPID. It might not even be a month actually. I don't even KNOW if he professes to be "Christian" but no way in his words or deeds does he say. And I'm like here we go again.....

    Here comes that whole beam part, and if anyone reads this, then you will be like....ohh thats it right there. And of course, I would say, I know. I havent been to church since this summer. There is one within walking distance to my house, but its not MY church. I have been going to a church a few miles down the road for about 3 years now and the people have become like my family. I don't have a car though to get there, and I keep making excuses to not ask someone for a ride. Its usually the fear that I would burden someone...

(I just have to say, BOY this is a long blog, but it feels sooo good to get out and I don't care if anyone reads it!! It's just a relief to have it out in a neutral space where no one really knows me!!!)

    I think it might be a fear of the people too. The accountability. The last time I was away from church so long, I walked in and the first worship song played and I was BAWLING. To feel the immense presence of God with a community of believers after absence for so long is powerful. And then there is everyone asking- Where have you been? Love that one.

One thing though, is that everyone at that church knows where I go to school. And I've heard they ask about me, but never ask ME how I am. I really wish someone would though...cause I'm not ok. I use to have a mentor who still goes to the aforementioned church and the last time I spoke to her, she told me that I come to her for advice with my mind already made up, I go and do something, and then I come to her in expectation that she bail me out. I'm going to be REAL honest right now- that HURT. I don't know if it was my pride or just the words that were so cruel. I thought about it for weeks, thinking over every word. I did goto her for advice, on everything, and took it sometimes, and other times, I felt what I needed or should do was against her advice. And as far as bailing me out, I have asked her to write letters to the school to help me stay in it, one because my grades were low and I lost funding (another story to tell) and another to help me be independant on my financial aid. Her and her husband took me in one summer to help me get back on my feet, but THEY asked me to move in with them, and so I did. It wasn't easy, and I paid rent and helped out around the house and whatever else I could. I got back on my feet, back into school, and it was better than ever. They adopted a little girl and I am sooo Happy for them- they make AMAZING parents. And I still love them so much..just because of the people they are. But I haven't found it within myself to go talk to her. I can't. Not after what she said.

We use to confess sins one to another. Before her, I kept so much in to myself. I confessed to God, but that was it. When she was mentoring me and we began being transparent in front of one another, oh man--nothing can explain the sweet release I felt. Embarrasing and trying, yes, but it was worth it. When my decisions went wrong, or I wasn't on the straight and narrow path anymore, I went to her to confess and I really didn't know what that looked like at the time. I wasn't expecting her to bail me out or give me the "get right quick" solution, I just wanted her to know. But I can't do that anymore, because anything I tell her I would feel like she would feel as if she were "bailing me out." So now I really don't have anyone. I keep most things locked inside, because I don't have that godly mentor anymore, and I can feel the burden weighing in on me now. It sucks.

I think thats about it for now. Its finals week and I have to study. And as I gaze over this book one last time, I realize that its a lot of people focus and not God focus. Hopefully in time it will be again. Right now there is a canyon between me and God that I dug. I know He is still there, just as much as ever, but it is because of me and the walls that I have built that I feel an absence. So for those who survived reading, please pray for me.